Missing Mom

I was just reading through my mom's blog from 2007. I remember how stressful it all was, finding out about the cancer returning, the small chance that IL2 had of working, finding out that we had to abandon the IL2 and that there would be no cure, worrying about the sutent working, many plane flights to and from Cincinnati...it all seems so long ago. And despite all that stress, what I wouldn't give to put my arms around my mom again. This picture, this day was so hard. It was the day I left my parents in the hospital in Boston after the first and only round of IL2. It was so hard watching mom suffer the side effects of that treatment, but I was so proud of her for how she handled it. I cannot tell you how bad she felt when this photo was taken, but she forced herself to get out of bed to hug me good-bye and even smile for the camera. If you blow the picture up you can see that our eyes are shiny from tears, but we are happy to be together. Lately I've dreamt a lot of my mom, but she's always sick and dying in the dreams. But it is ALWAYS wonderful to see her in a dream. How I wish that it had all been a dream. It still seems that way sometimes.

I don't know why I wanted to repost this picture, or write this post. I wasn't sure which blog to write it in. But I just want everyone to know how very much she is missed. I know that everyone who knew her misses her. Our lives will never be as rich because of her absence. I'm glad I have my little squirmy worm to make me smile.

Eli Coming Down the Aisle!

Hi Everyone!

Here's a little clip from my cousin Eric's wedding where Eli was the ring-bearer (code name Frodo).

Motherhood

My son is the smartest, cutest, tallest, funniest, most interesting, most agile, friendliest toddler at the playground. I'm sure all the other moms feel this way too--about Eli. ;)

Recent photos

Ahoy, matey!

Finally feeding myself

Thanks, Auntie Pam!

Where'd that mustache go?

Aren't I precious?

Words Eli Can Say...

Ba Ba (Bye Bye)
Ba! (Ball)
Da (Dad, Grandpa)
Ma (Mom)
Shoes (Self-explanatory)
Ga! (Cat)
Geee! (Keys)

We had his 1 year check-up today. He's doing great, and handled the shots like a champ. I just wish it didn't take 1 hour and 40 minutes! Why?!!!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I don't know if it's because I'm with Eli all day now, or because he's at the age when he is starting to understand a lot more, but I am learning a LOT every day about parenting. I am so much more involved in trying to teach Eli positive behaviors and wrestling the control away from him. It is a lot of work, but I'm so glad I'm getting a chance to do it. Seeing him a few hours a day like before, I wasn't doing much of that, and I wouldn't really call that parenting.

This week I've started taking advantage of the free day care at the gym, and Eli has been none too happy to be dropped off there, so I became determined to go every day and get him used to it. Every time I peak in, he's being held by one of the staff, which means he isn't happy playing on the floor. But I am going to go as often as possible and hopefully that will change. At least he didn't cry when I dropped him off today.

I also bought a membership to StrollerStrides--an exercise class for mommies and their stroller-children. I figured it would be a good way to meet some other moms and toddlers. Which means I have been working out twice a day. I eat whenever I get a chance, but if I keep up with this routine, there may not be much left of me =).

Anxiety Bites

Today was the first day since I've been a SAHM that has been on the challenging side. Eli seems to be suffering from a severe case of separation anxiety. Every time I stand up, he starts freaking out, whining, crying, screaming, begging to be held. I can't even walk to the kitchen anymore, which he can see from the living room, without picking him up and taking him with me. I am trying to teach him about hand holding, but sometimes he just wants to be held. I almost lost my temper over it today, then I felt bad because he only feels this way because he loves me. I guess I just have to trust that this is a phase and it will be over someday. I just fear that by giving in to his anxiety, I'll be creating a momma's-boy-sissy-pants. Does anybody out there have any advice?

On a positive note, in case anyone's lost track: Eli's first birthday is this Saturday! We already had one birthday party for him in Cincinnati on July 4, and we're having one at our house on the 18th with a luau theme! (This is going to be confusing for me when I'm old and trying to remember Eli's first birthday--"I seem to remember having a party in Cincinnati and one in Wilmington. Which was which? What the hay, hand me my dentures, Chris".) We're WAY more excited than Eli is, but he'll have fun when the day comes. I am crossing my fingers for no rain--we have invited more people than we can fit in our house, and the forecast is calling for rain. Maybe I should rent a tent.