Peek-A-Boo 2

The other morning I found myself doing something which for me, epitomizes motherhood and the mixed-up feelings I have whenever I spend too much time with my kids.

Chris had been on a business trip for a few days, and I was having breakfast with the kids. Sort of. They were actually doing the eating. Sort of. I was spoon-feeding Andrew and, as usual, he started getting distracted and turning his head away from me, and he hadn't even eaten half his meal. He had to eat more. Toys and singing were not doing the trick.

I needed to play peek-a-boo.

But the problem was, I didn't have two free hands for peek-a-boo. So I grabbed the nearest thing, a dishtowel, which I later realized was a dirty dishtowel, and put it on my head over my face. I used one free hand to feed Andrew and the other to pick up the towel every few seconds and say peek-a-boo. Andrew ate it up. I heard Eli giggle and looked over and to my surprise, he was eating it up, too!

And then it hit me, here I am, with a dirty dishtowel on my head, trying to feed my children and entertain them at the same time, while my bagel sits idly by, getting cold and feeling quite lonely, and my orange juice cup is still full, as it almost always is even when breakfast is over. What am I doing? Shouldn't a grown woman be able to eat her breakfast in peace, at least once in a while?

But I was enjoying it, mostly. And the kids were too. And there is always a little voice in my head telling me that, someday soon, these very same kids would be extremely embarrassed to see their mom with a dishtowel on her head during breakfast.

And honestly, a small part of me yearns for those days. But I try to suppress that part of me and live in the moment and love every single moment of every single stage.

But I tell you, when my husband is gone for a week and a half, and I am the sole caretaker 24/7, it is hard. And fun. And hard. And that's what I'm talking about.

New look

Welcome visitors! It has been a while since I posted, obviously! On Facebook, I have been trying to post a picture a day of both Andrew and Eli, and thanks to my bestie Susan Wenner Jackson, I think we have figured out how to share those photos with my loyal non-Facebook using blog followers. Click on the photo links at the top of the page and see if that takes you to some photos. And thanks for checking in!

Welcome Andrew Lee Talley!

Born 2/13/2011

Posted lots of pics on our Shutterfly site, click here.

He was born 2 hours after we arrived at the hospital, needless to say it was pretty quick. Then we were released 27 hours later! Me and Andrew are both feeling good, and Chris and Eli are adjusting well so far.

Pre-labor jitters...

At the end of your pregnancy you get the same questions a lot: "Are you excited?" and "Are you ready?" *Sigh* Where do I start? I am as ready as I'm gonna be. Equipment-wise we are ready. Nursery is ready. I am ready to get my body back and not be pregnant any more. I am ready to meet my new bundle of joy.

However, I think it would be naive/insincere to say I am excited. I know what I am in for. I am in for some pain. I am in for lots of sleepless nights, then playing with Eli all day AND trying to take care of a newborn. I am in for Eli going through an adjustment period.

Most of all, I think Chris, Eli, and I would just say, "let's get this show on the road". Enough waiting for our family of three to become a family of four. Let's do it.

Postpartum addition: Many of these fears were unfounded. Labor, while painful, was no where near as bad as last time, and postpartum I feel great! So happy to have our little baby, sleepless nights are no problem so far and Chris has been great with Eli, and Eli has been great with Andrew. I'm nervous about when he goes back to work, but we'll make it.

Finally potty training

Okay, so last time we tried potty training, in November, we had several accidents in a day and reverted to pull-ups. Four days ago we tried it again, and although my nerves were frazzled from expecting an accident every five minutes, Chris pointed out at the end of the day that Eli had only had one accident. He wore underwear to school the next day and...no accidents! Day four, no accidents! I guess he's finally ready. With one month to spare before baby #2. Then we have a bunch more diapers to look forward to, and perfect timing for Eli to regress, which I hear happens a lot. Oh well, it's progress at least.

Speaking of baby #2, we have a few names we like, and are feeling them out. Which do you like?

Andrew
Evan
Cameron

Up until last week, we had no names, now it seems we like a new one every day. We may have a new one tomorrow! Stay tuned! =)

Two Years

Mom has been gone for two years now. It is as hard to believe that she is gone as it was the day she died. I still can't wrap my head around it. She was the central personality in our immediate family and, to me at least, in our extended families. Holidays and gatherings still feel empty without her. They always will. She would have been happier than anyone at our Thanksgiving celebration on Friday about the five babies age two and under. Mom used to dream about the day we'd have a lot of kids at our parties. It is here, and she missed it altogether. There was no better gift-giver, and no one I enjoyed shopping for so much. I always wanted to match her talent for finding the perfect gift. I miss sitting on the couch and watching tennis with her, shopping with her, cooking with her, and waking up to her french toast. I wish we could enjoy Eli together and talk about motherhood and what I was like as a baby/toddler. I thought I was prepared to miss her. But the hole she left in my life takes me by surprise every day. I guess that's the down side to being so much to so many people. The hole.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

This is a big week for us. We have started the process of potty training and are planning to move Eli into a big bed tomorrow night. I never planned to make two big changes at the same time, but he suddenly seemed ready for both, or maybe I'm the one who's ready. I can't guarantee that we won't all freak out and revert to diapers and the crib by next week, but we're trying. Wish us luck!

My Little Baby Duck

It seems like some kids are in to being "big kids" but Eli is not one of those kids. He's going through a phase where he loves for me to sing "Rock-a-bye Baby" to him. He still eats in a high chair and sleeps in a crib. He's even been referring to himself as "baby" sometimes. I think this has something to do with the anticipation of his baby brother and him sensing that he won't be the baby for long. I am afraid about what this might forebode for when the baby is actually here.

He's also a bit of a baby on the playground. If another kid, especially if it's an older boy, tries to take something from him, he hands it over. If he gets pushed or shoved, he cries and runs away. In a way I wish he would stand up for himself, but I also kind of love that he's still my innocent baby. And I am proud that he isn't the one doing the bullying.

Eli videos, old and new

We just downloaded videos from the past two years, and I'm asking myself...how did Eli get from here...




To here?

Conversing

Eli has a wonderful vocabulary, but for the longest time it seemed like he mostly repeated what other people said, or talked about what he was thinking about. He still does that when he's feeling lazy, or not really paying attention, or doesn't understand what was said. He used to be bad at answering questions with a response other than yes or no. But lately he has started to converse with us. It's most evident to me when I pick him up from preschool and he tells me what he did. This is something that I was not a part of, and he is telling me about it. It's hard to explain how weird and exciting that is. I mean, we spend almost every waking hour together, so he doesn't have a lot to tell me that I don't already know.

Today was fire safety day at preschool. The fire safety van came to school and apparently some firefighter(s) showed Eli's class how to stop, drop, and roll, and how to spray out a fire with a hose. I know all of this because Eli told me. Weird! The whole thing had quite an impact on him, I think more than any other experience he's ever had. He talked about it all day, and even showed us how to stop, drop, and roll. I wish I could have been there to see the whole class doing it.

Also, when I was driving him home I asked him if he had any friends in class. He said "yes". I asked if he knew their names. He said "CJ". CJ! I happen to know this is the name of one of his classmates, but I don't know the kid. Eli was invited to CJ's birthday party. Now, it's possible that he knows CJ's name because CJ gets in trouble a lot. But still, it made my heart glow that Eli was able to name a friend...one that I didn't know.

Going to try to write more, I promise!

I've decided to make this more of a "Mommy Blog" and less about our family in particular. That means more writing about the trials, tribulations, and joys of being a mom. But before I get to that, I have some Talley business to attend to.

In case you haven't heard by now, and I'm not sure if anyone checks this blog anymore, much less anyone who doesn't already know this information, (please send me a comment if that is you) I am having another baby, he is due in February, and yes, he is a boy.

To be honest, I really wanted a girl. But the way Eli keeps talking about his "Baby Butter" (translation: Baby Brother) he is getting me excited too. And at least I still won't have girl hair to deal with, and maybe a little less pre-teen angst when the time comes. And yes, they can play together. They can play with their cars and trucks and spiderman and swords and leave me bewildered but trying to keep up. At least I like sports.

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer

I am walking in Making Strides Against Breast Cancer again this year. As many of you know, many women in my family have been affected by breast cancer. Although my mom died of kidney cancer, she was also diagnosed with breast cancer, along with her mother and sister, as well as her mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Fighting breast cancer is a cause that was close to my mom's heart and is close to mine, for the sake of my future, and the future of my younger family members. It is hard to ask people for money year after year, so this year I am offering a commemorative Linda Wimmers Christmas ornament as a thank-you to all of my supporters. No donation is too small. Order yours today by making a donation at my link below. Thanks!

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY11SouthAtlantic?px=13016818&pg=personal&fr_id=28172

The American Cancer Society:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/Making...

60

Today would be my mom's 60th birthday. Should be. Is. I know parents who have lost a child often wonder what their children would be like as they grow older. Thinking of her at 60 has made me wonder what she would have been like as she got older. Would she be any slower on the tennis court? Would she have more wrinkles? Would she ever let her hair go gray? Would she start dressing like she was 60 (instead of the perpetual 35 she seemed to be?) My mom never seemed as old as she was, so it is very hard to imagine her really getting old. Her heart was youthful, no matter her age. Much like my Grandma Wimmers. I can picture her being a lot like my Grandma Wimmers if she had gotten to grow old. She would have fallen right in love with her new role as Grandma.

I wonder what kind of party we would have had today. Maybe I would have missed it, as I missed her 50th. Until she got cancer I took those types of things for granted. Maybe she would have spent it at the beach with me and Eli. Maybe we would have taken a trip somewhere. I will never know. I just know that whatever it is we would have done, I wish we were doing it. So much.

Racecar

As an introvert, I have my share of misunderstandings with people. They misunderstand something I've said or done, or more often, something I've NOT said or done to be intentionally mean or spiteful, when really I was just being my shy self. It is hard to get along in this world of hidden meanings, body language, eye contact, etc. without the occasional offense here and there. (My mom, the quintesential extrovert, seemed to never have this problem.)

Eli seems to be an extrovert. He loves people. He, like his grandma, has never met a stranger. But today he experienced his first rejection, or "misunderstanding" and I wanted to cry from the unfairness of it all.

We were at the playground, and Eli spotted a little girl that he took a liking to. He walked right up to the girl and said, "racecar!" which is his icebreaker, his go-to line. I guess he thinks everyone loves racecars as much as he does. The girl just looked at him funny.

He repeated "racecar!", getting closer and closer each time he said it, maybe thinking the girl hadn't heard him. Finally the girl ran away.

My son, who never wants to leave the playground, who loves to play until he's forced to leave, walked by me to the parking lot and dejectedly said "home". My heart fell to pieces. He kept walking and said "car", trying to find our car.

I convinced him to stay, and reminded him of all his friends who he could play with who were there. I think he got over it quickly, but I didn't. It wasn't the first time he had tried to make a new friend and been rejected. But it was the first time that I know of that HE knew he had been rejected, and that he had his feelings hurt.

It was the first time of many in his life when he will be rejected, misunderstood, ignored, and have hurt feelings. This is life. I knew it would happen. But seeing the first time, and the loss of innocence that goes along with it, was almost too much for me to bear. Eli learned today that he can't just be himself and expect everyone to instantly like him. I wish it wasn't so.

The House

We finally bought a house. Not just "a" house, but "the" house. The day after we received an offer on our house, my friend took me to see this house in her neighborhood that she said was "under foreclosure". Ever since that fateful day of October 6, 2009, I have known that this was the house for us. I had a long list of demands for the perfect house (just ask our agent), and this house has it all. It is actually the only one in Wilmington that has it all. Trust me, I've looked. Namely:

-I preferred the Parsley Elementary school district, the best in town.
-Had to be in a neighborhood with a pool and tennis courts. This one has them across the street.
-Had to be in a family friendly neighborhood. Have not seen one that matches this one. It's even gated.
-Centrally located in Wilmington.
-Open floor plan: check.
-This house easily meets our square footage requirement, and then some.
-Not on my list, but an added bonus is that this house was custom built and designed, so it's very unique.
-Large, fenced-in backyard.

The very first day I went in that house, I thought, "Mom would love this house". Ever since then, I have felt that she has been watching out for us during this whole process because throughout our search I felt like there was this other voice in my head telling me the right thing to do, from going to the see the house on the first day, to getting out of the contract for the house I didn't love, to buying the house at auction rather than waiting for it to go to market. Although we had to wait longer than we would have liked for the house to finally go up for sale, the pieces eventually have fallen into place beautifully for us to buy this house.

I will write more later about the foreclosure process, but right now I just wanted to write about the house and post some pictures. Please check out the pictures at our photo site here. The files are too large to upload to blogger--sorry for the extra click.

Tennis Racket

I forgot to mention that the tennis racket that was the star of the previous post was given to us by our extremely generous and gracious neighbors on Trestle Drive, the Soonthornsawads. Thanks guys! We are getting much use out of it!

What a Sport

As many boys his age do, Eli loves sports. He loves them almost to the exclusion of everything else. Golf, basketball, volleyball, tennis; all of which he refers to with enthusiasm as "B Ball!"

I took him to the park last weekend to play on the playground. There were tennis courts very near the playground. He wanted nothing to do with the playground. He would rather sit outside the fence and watch strangers play tennis. He even tried to pick up some game by following people as they exited the courts, trying to steal the rackets from their bags. Eventually I just took him home and then to the courts in our neighborhood to hit some balls. He had a blast, and was actually able to hit some balls bouncing towards him.














Of course, after he got his fill of tennis he proved that he's a regular kid who also likes to hunt for rocks.

Merry Bohemian Christmas

Eli loved sitting on Santa's lap tonight. He walked right up, was happily handed over, smiled for the camera, and even said "cheese". We were so proud of him! Our only question is, what is up with Santa's head band?

We also enjoyed the little train ride around the outdoor mall, which was the reason for the trip. I have to admit, when we first saw the "Polar Express", which consisted of a tiny engine and 4 little two-seater cars, we thought, "We drove all the way here for this?" But we went anyway, because Eli's new word lately is "Shoo shoo" and we thought he'd like it, although I was a little worried about him sitting still for the 15-minute ride. I have to say, it BLEW HIS MIND. He was totally still and mesmerized the entire way. Oh, to be young and so easily impressed.

We also got to witness fake snow outside the movie theater. This is what we do in the south. It was like foam bubbles. It actually looked a lot like snow, but Eli kept saying "Bubbles!"

December Sucks

I have pneumonia. As I was laid up today with nothing better to do while I'm quarantined from the rest of society, I started reflecting on the early Decembers of the recent past. Take a journey with me through the past five years...

2005: Grandma Wimmers passed away December 6.
2006: I had a miscarriage and an operation on December 4.
2007: Mom had terminal cancer.
2008: Mom's funeral December 2-3.
2009: Pneumonia December 1.

When you consider that track record, this has actually been a pretty good December so far.

I miss taking care of Eli terribly. Chris has been such a trooper, filling in for me, taking care of me, AND trying to get some of his own work done. One thing is for sure, I do not want to pass this on to either of them, so I am trying to keep my distance.

This is my third day on antibiotics and I seem to be making some slow progress. But not as quickly as I'm used to or as I was hoping to. I'm definitely ready to get out of bed and out of the house as soon as I can. And I'm so grateful that I don't live in the days before penicillin.

One Year

It has been one year since my mom passed away. I did not believe that time would pass without her on earth, but here we are, and it looks like it has. Somehow, the world has kept spinning, the sun comes up and goes down every day, I wake up and I go to sleep every day. I don't know how the earth and I and my dad and Tony and all her other family and friends do it, but we do, and time has passed.

I want to write some things about my mom, to help us all remember her a little better. I have no plan for this, I am just going to keep writing until I can't write any more for now, or until, heaven forbid, I run out of memories. Read it if you want, this is as much for me as for anyone else. I apologize if it is hard to follow.

My mom loved sports. She loved games of any kind, as we all know, but maybe some people don't know what a sports fanatic she was. Watching a sporting event with her was just that--an event, whether it was college football on TV or the US Open in person. My mom and I went to the US (Tennis) Open together in 2005. We had always loved tennis before that trip, but during that trip, I think we both really fell in LOVE with watching it. We had tickets to 5 sessions over three days, and we did not take a break. We sat out in the blistering sun for 7 hours straight and then 5 more hours at night because we didn't want to miss anything. Even when we did not know the players (that could never happen now--we eventually knew all the pros' names at least) we would find a reason to sit through a match--it was a five setter, the guy next to us was into it, the crowd was into it, the players were cute, we had ice cream or wine to finish...whatever. This trip took place during the height of Roger Federer's dominance. We were both huge fans and were enthralled by his talent. One night all the rich court-side ticket holders left early and we were half-asleep in the third tier, where you can hardly see the ball, and we were given special tickets to go courtside. We vaguely knew the players, but one was American, so the new court-side crowd got into it. The match went the distance, with the American (Robby Ginepri for those tennis fans out there) winning in five sets. We were thrilled. We rode the train back to our hotel after 1 AM and took the above picture in the free hats they gave out at the stadium with our "golden ticket". I was a little scared of walking around New York after midnight but mom wasn't. She had an unending faith in humanity and refused to believe that another person might want to harm her. Her faith made me feel a little safer. During that trip to New York, we also saw the musical "Wicked" (more on musicals later), and visted Coney Island, where we rode a roller coaster, saw street performers, and got my picture with Spongebob. This trip happened on a whim--I remember saying to my mom in the summer that we should go to the US Open together that year, and she said "okay" and she made it happen. It's one of those things that most people, including myself, might put off for some time in the future, but if we had, it may have never happened. I am so glad we did go, it is one of my favorite trips with my mom.

As I mentioned, this trip sparked a LOVE for watching tennis that among everyone I know, only my mom shared with me. The following summer, while we watched Federer inexplicably lose to Rafael Nadal for a second time at the French Open, we simultaneously switched loyalties and became die-hard Rafa fans. My mom even flew me up to Cincinnati that summer so we could both see him play in Cincinnati. We spent a few more afternoons baking in the hot sun, but the definite highlight was seeing Rafa up close and personal on the small court 3 playing doubles. We were both in heaven.

We used to fill out brackets for the tennis majors like most people do for March Madness. She made me a Rafa collage as my prize for beating her in the bracket challenge for two years. We would call each other after every big Rafa match. But we had to be careful because we didn't know if the other had finished watching a recorded match yet, and we couldn't give away the ending.

I would love to go to the US Open again someday. In fact, I would love to see all four of the majors someday. I just don't know who I could go with who would sit with me in the hot sun for hours upon hours and just talk and watch. I miss calling her after matches. I still love tennis, but I don't think I LOVE it anymore. It just isn't the same.

Enough about tennis, more about sports in general: She always loved to have a reason to pull for a player or team. She would pull for Ohio State because Don and Ben loved them. She'd pull for UC because of David and Stacey. She'd even pull for Wisconsin just because Tony and Beth lived there; they weren't even fans. She'd pull for Carolina for Chris and Detroit for Beth. I think she mostly pulled for the Reds for Mike and Sue Burns. And of course she loved the Bengals. Especially after she got sick and couldn't do as much, she would get so excited when any one of the above teams was playing, and she'd make an event out of watching it. I'd even watch them when I was in Wilmington, just so I could talk to her on the phone about it the next day. After she passed, I felt piercingly how empty it was now to watch sports without her to share them with.

I also don't know anyone else who shares my love for musicals like my mom did. Among our favorites are Jesus Christ Superstar (which she took me and Susan and Erica to see in Columbus), Les Miserables (which we saw together on our first trip to NY), Tommy (we saw in Cincinnati), and Wicked (NY). She also loved Phantom of the Opera and Fiddler on the Roof, which I saw with her for the first time a few months before she died. Oh yeah, and the Sound of Music. During the spring of my Junior year in high school, my mom drove me to the two colleges I applied for, OU and UNC Wilmington. I remember the 12 hour drive down to NC, we just sang and sang to musical after musical in the car together. When we got to Wilmington, we drove right by the college and straight to the beach. As we looked out on the ocean filled with pelicans and surfers, we knew this college had to be better than OU. That was another thing my mom loved--the beach.

We were supposed to make that trip over spring break, but we got a lot of snow that week and we used that as an excuse to stay inside and play SET. Really, I think we could have made it to OU, but we didn't want to. I even postpone my interview to get into the Honors College at OU. We sure did play a lot of SET that week.

You all know how much my mom loved to travel. I spent a semester in College studying in Luxembourg, and my mom came out to visit for the first week of spring break. The two of us started out with a visit to Switzerland. We had breakfast on the top of a mountain, as her tour book recommended, and couldn't see a thing through the thick clouds up there. We picked up some bon bons before heading down on a train to Italy. On the train we met a very nice Tibetan monk who gave us both little Buddhas. We met up with Susan and Erica in a small coastal Italian town, Montossoro? The owner of the hotel where we stayed was a friendly man named Andrea who gives all his customers a bottle of his home-made wine before leaving. We happened to leave on Easter, and we enjoyed our wine and our Swiss bon-bons on the beach before leaving town. I remember my mom saying "it doesn't get any better than this". She was also so good at living in the moment and recognizing the good times. Anyway, we headed to the train station, boarded the train to Florence, broke out the Bailey's, and started wondering aloud if mom could somehow get a cheaper ticket. (The wine and Bailey's were doing their jobs by now). My mom decided to get off the train and see. As soon as she stepped off, the doors closed behind her and we were off. Erica said, "we lost your mom in Italy!" We didn't know what to do, so we got off at the next stop. My mom ended up catching the next train, beating us to Florence, and making friends with our new hotel owners. Big surprise.

When I turned 8 years old, I had a big slumber party. That was what we did for our birthdays back then--no renting out a place and spending loads of money--just slumber parties. The party started out great, and then for some reason, there was a rift. Half the girls would not speak to the other half. The rift carried on to the next morning and it almost ended that way, but at breakfast my mom had us all play a silly game of "what are you going to take on a picnic" and all was immediately forgiven. She didn't remember doing that, but she saved my party.

My mom was a great gift giver. She always knew the perfect gift for someone. And she would spend way more on a gift for someone else than she would spend on herself. It was just more worth it to her. I remember the first year we moved onto Trestle Drive, I was nine, and I wanted both a premie Cabbage Patch Kid and a giant version of my favorite stuffed animal, Randolph. My mom told me I could only have one, and that I had to pick which one I wanted. I spent the entire December trying to decide which one I wanted. I forget which one I chose--by the time I finally told her she had forgotten the whole thing. I got them both.

One night when I was quite young--five, maybe, I must have really been acting up, because my mom said, "You are such a pill!" It struck me because I didn't really know what that meant, but I knew it sounded bad. What strikes me about it now is that it's the only time that I can remember my mom saying anything slightly negative about me to me during my entire childhood. That is amazing. How she was able to keep her cool--she is my mom-model.

Well, I haven't run out of memories, but my hand is cramping, so I guess I'll have to wrap up. I wanted this post to be more than about my memories, though. My mom is a role model to me in so many ways. She was so "giving of herself". I will never know how she found the time to do all she did. She had such a full life--a job, a family, literally hundreds of friends, helping people in need, playing tennis, cleaning the house and putting food on the table--I can barely manage to do two of those things! But I think one of the best things about my mom is that she would never speak badly about another person, and she didn't want others to either. She always found the good in people. I think it's one of the ways she brought such positive energy to herself and those around her and was able to achieve so much. It's something we can all strive for.

I will save more memories for some other time. I would love to hear some of yours. Take as much room as you like. It feels good to share.

The year is over, but I miss her more each day.